


Dying in LA

by tiredandalone



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Break Up, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Deceit Sanders Needs a Hug, Drinking, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 18:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21123281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredandalone/pseuds/tiredandalone
Summary: Declan and Roman moved out to LA together, but due to some interference their relationship doesn't hold up as much as they would have hoped...





	Dying in LA

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, this is just self-indulgence, I heard the song and immediate thought of this premise, I just love Roceit and panic! And what better way to combine them? I may do a part two but I'm not sure, I could just leave it as bittersweet memories or I could write a happy ending. What do you think? Hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Declan=Deceit

3 weeks. 

It had been three weeks since Roman had broken up with him. Declan had been drinking and crying for the majority of that time. 

His gaze drifted from is glass of whiskey, his mind no longer caring if booze was too expensive, he had nothing to save for anymore. His eyes landed on his piano, it took up most of the room and it was the first gift Roman ever bought him, his first big job payed well, so as a present Roman bought him the black instrument. 

He got up, sore form days of inactivity, and made his way to the seat in front of the keys, setting his glass on the flat edge he let the first notes ring out, it was a song he had been working on in the time Roman had been gone. It was the only thing keeping him sane. His hands were shaky with both drunkenness and anxiety. 

He knew the chords by now, it was all he could stomach to play, he closed his eyes and let the memories flood his mind as he sang softly.

_ **The moment you arrived they built you up  
The sun was in your eyes** _

Him and his ex-boyfriend had moved out to LA almost a year ago. Roman wanted to pursue his acting career and Declan would do anything to support him, he had always wanted to live in LA, so it was a win, win. 

They had gotten an apartment together and immediately Declan found work, it was a shitty marketing job but it payed bills, and Roman’s small advertising jobs meant they could budget for a better place. 

They were both blinded by the future. 

_ **You couldn't believe it** _

Roman was dumbfounded by the reality of where they were, it was like fireworks lit up in his eyes anytime he surveyed their surroundings or their apartment. Declan lived for that magical look. 

_ **Riches all around, you're walking  
Stars are on the ground** _

He remembered the first time he and his boyfriend walked down Hollywood boulevard, it was so surreal to see the famous stars and the names on them. He knew Roman longed to have one of his own, Declan believed he would. He would do whatever it took to help Roman achieve his dreams. 

_ **You start to believe it** _

Roman was right where he needed to be, he gained confidence and began getting more jobs, which was great for his career and Declan was so proud of him. It meant he met more and more people who were experts in the business, he even got an agent. Declan couldn’t be happier seeing that wide smile on Roman's face as he came home. 

_ **Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you** _

He also met some other actors who were not as keen on Declan. They didn’t like the fact he was always with Roman. Declan’s job made it hard to find alone time so they treasured the moments they got to share with each other.

Romans friends hated the fact Declan was his voice of reason, he was the common sense that stopped Roman being reckless. He encouraged Roman to think of himself as well as others, his ability was outstanding and he had to use that to be successful. Declan had always gently persuaded Roman to not go out every night with the others, to not waste his money, to not help the others out when they clearly had no intention of ever repaying him. Declan could see what Roman could not, his friends were leeches and just wanted to profit from Roman's talent. It sickened him. 

But he would never say anything outright, Roman was happy he found someone to bond with in his profession, and Declan would never compromise his boyfriend’s happiness. 

_ **You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do** _

However, the couple had been getting into arguments more and more, throughout their six-year long relationship they had barely disagreed on anything. But earlier that month Roman got a big break with a special appearance on a tv show. He was over the moon, and they both agreed that should add it to the savings for a quicker move. But he became more standoffish, he was drunk most nights, he was never home to welcome Declan like before, even though he waited up for Roman every night, no matter what time it was. His biggest fear was waking up to an empty bed and knowing Roman had not come home. 

_ **But nobody knows you now** _

However, Roman's ‘friends’ had sat him down and told him they’re opinions. 

“He’s holding you back” 

“You’d do so much better without him”

“He’s hurting your chances”

“Your best bet is to cut him loose”

Roman had clutched his head. He loved Declan, he knew that, but this was his future. And these guys had more experience, they knew how things worked in the industry. They had to be right…

_ **When you're dying in LA** _

He had quietly knocked on the door. Declan answered smiling “Hey! How was the audition?” he said kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. 

Roman turned away and walked into the apartment, affection would just make this harder. Declan was confused and a little hurt but he just figured the audition probably didn’t go well. “Here, I made some tea, why don’t you tell me about it?” he said walking to the kitchen. 

_ **And nobody owes you now** _

Roman grabbed his arm “No… I need to talk to you” 

Declan chuckled “Ok, Mr. serious what about?” 

Roman sighed, Declan's worry grew, he didn’t respond to a nickname… something was definitely wrong.

“I’ve been thinking… and… I feel its best if we… you know… go our separate ways” he said looking at his hands. 

_ **When you're dying in LA** _

Declan shook his head “What?” he was dumbfounded, they were fine, weren’t they? Nothing major had happened to warrant this.

“I think that it will benefit us both if… uh…” 

“Roman? What are you talking about?” 

Roman sighed angrily and snapped “I think we should break up Declan” 

_ **When you're dying in LA** _

Declan stood still in shock “You listened to them, didn’t you?” Roman didn’t look at him “Didn’t you?!” he shouted. 

“Dee listen they-” 

“No, don’t you ‘Dee’ me, you're acting on the suggestions of those pricks and you don’t even have the decency to look me in the eye while you do it” he said his eyes already filling with tears. He never was good at hiding his emotions from Roman. 

“They know what this place is like, they know things I don’t, Declan this is my life, I thought you would understand” 

“Oh, so you choose them over me, yeah?” he asked. 

_ **When you're dying in LA** _

_“Well maybe I wouldn’t have to if you were there for me as much as they were, instead of being a cold, calculating bitch” he retorted, too prideful to back down. _

_Declan took a step back, “You and I both know the reason I'm not around as often is because I have to work Roman. I work so we can pay rent!” _

_ _ **The power, the power, the power** _ _

_ _“So, you pick your job over me?” he backfired._ _

_ _“No! I picked you over everything else! I moved here with you Ro! I work so we can stay here! I have to do stupid shifts so you can audition! Where do you think the audition fees came from? Certainly not from your paycheck because you spend half of it on those fuckers before I even see you! Everything I do is for you Roman! Once it’d be nice if you chose me over them” he said tears finally spilling from his eyes. _ _

_ _ ** _Oh the power, the power, the power _ ** _ _

_ _“Everything? Ha! You don’t do shit compared to me, I'm out there acting, performing, doing what I love, I would still be in that position if you didn’t exist!” _ _

_ _“What the fu-” Declan began but was cut off as pain spread across his cheek. _ _

_ _Declan sucked in a breath, shocked. His boyfriend had hit him…_ _

_ _ _ **Of LA** _ _ _

_ _Roman huffed and stalked towards the door. He grabbed his jacket and reached into the cabinet by the couch. He pulled out a wad of cash. Their savings together. “I’m taking my money, when I'm at the top you will know what you’ve missed by being a self-centered dick. Were over.” he slammed the door as he walked away, not a tear in sight. _ _

_ _Declan crumbled to the floor. He let the sobs rack his body, shaking and desperately gasping for air. Roman, the man he loved, the one he would give his life for, said he was inconsequential, that he was cold, selfish, the man he couldn’t live without hit him. It hurt like a knife wound. _ _

_ _ _ **Nights at the chateau** _ _ _

_ _Declan didn’t know what to do after that, he just sat and cried. He went out every night trying to get rid of his problems through bottomless drinks. He almost wished he could see Roman in one of the bars they often frequented together, just so he could slap his smug face after how he treated him. It killed him thinking back to the tone Roman used, they never used any kind of insults towards one another, it felt wrong coming from Roman's mouth._ _

_ _That mouth that he’d miss so much. The quick wit, the gentle and wide smiles, the soft kisses the two shared in greeting or farewells. He would miss so much of Roman._ _

_ _ _ **Trapped in your sunset bungalow** _ _ _

_ _Their apartment just brought back memories now, snapshots painted in a different light. The happy sweet moments spent baking in their tiny kitchen were bittersweet, now all that lay there was 5 dirty plates and mountains of liquor bottles. He hadn’t eaten a proper meal since Roman left. He just couldn’t find the motivation, what was he point? He was here for Roman, and now he was gone. _ _

_ _He wondered where Roman was, he doubted any of the other actors actually cared enough to let him stay at their place. What if he had already gone home? Back to Florida? Leaving Declan truly alone in the city._ _

_ _ _ **You couldn't escape it, yeah** _ _ _

_ _Everywhere he went he was reminded of Roman, places they had been together, moments they shared. But also, little things, the birds he could hear every morning as he woke up with yet another hangover. The songs he heard walking to the store, he called in sick to work and they believed him for a while. Lying was what he was good at, but now they were threatening to fire him, but he just didn’t care. There was no use, he’d probably move back to his home town soon, move back in with his parents maybe? _ _

_ _He hadn’t looked in the mirror in weeks and he knew he looked like hell. But he smashed them in rage the day after Roman left. This was more than a breakup to him, at least it felt that way. They had been together for so long, through every up and down, and now thanks to some pricks getting into his head he was gone. _ _

_ _ _ **Drink of paradise** _ _ _

_ _Drowning himself in booze was perfect for Declan, he would never admit it, but he used to have a bit of an issue with alcohol. It was college and he was stupid, he worked hard to beat his cravings and he did. He could feel himself slipping back into that mindset, he wasn’t fully there but he was teetering on the edge. _ _

_ _It was soothing to return to that state of mind. _ _

_ _ _ **They told you "Put your blood on ice** _ _ _

_ _Some people had been around to see him, Joan, Talyn and Remy had all been around to check on him. he had made a few friends while in the city, marketing helped with that. But he sent them away without opening the door. He was not in the mood to discuss his issues, he just wanted to curl up and cry. _ _

_ _He missed Roman's soft hair, he would run his hands through it to alleviate stress and it was perfect, he was perfect. His perfect, clueless, talented boyfriend. _ _

_ _Ex-boyfriend. _ _

_ _ _ **You're not gonna make it"** _ _ _

_ _He wanted to pummel he people that hurt his Roman, he knew how they were. They would make snide comments and pass it off as advice, they would critique him on things that were normal and shame him for his quirks. Those quirks that made Declan love him even more. _ _

_ _They didn’t survive, they didn’t make it. _ _

_ _Declan had imagined marrying Roman, he had imagined saying those vows, those promises of love and loyalty. _ _

_ _He’d even thought of asking him before the year was up. Now that could never be. He would never get the privilege of being called Declan Prince. _ _

_ _ _ **Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you** _ _ _

_ _Roman was just a dreamer, he wanted to be adored and appreciated. What was so wrong with that?_ _

_ _ _ **You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do** _ _ _

_ _The look in Roman's eyes as he spat venom at Declan haunted him. It was hatred. That was all there was. Gone were the sparling green eyes that held so much love. Gone was the twinkle when he made a joke or was planning something. _ _

_ _ _ **But nobody knows you now** _ _ _

_ _He was alone, he needed his old friends, he needed his brother, he needed the people he truly called family. _ _

_ _Virgil had been his best friend for countless years, they were close as brothers. Virgil immediately disliked Roman, thought him too cocky and righteous. But over time the two had gotten close, they bickered but had respect for one another. _ _

_ _His brother Patton had always been there for him, the older male had helped him every step of his life, he was a role model, Declan always wanted to be like him. He looked up to Patton more than his parents. _ _

_ _ _ **When you're dying in LA** _ _ _

_ _He needed to hear their voices, just the slightest chuckle would help him so much. He needed them, surely Patton would welcome him home, but he had a boyfriend and a kid to think about, they mattered more than his failure of a brother. _ _

_ _Virgil might help him, but they hadn’t ended on good terms. He hated having to leave his friend and it ended in an argument, they hadn’t talked since he moved. And he was now in one of the best schools in the country. Declan chuckled when he found out, he always knew he was a genius. _ _

_ _ _ **And nobody owes you now** _ _ _

_ _What would they think of him? Logan was skeptical from the beginning, his brother’s boyfriend was always logical and calm. God, he needed that right now. He helped Declan through is issues, always there, a constant in his life that he valued. He became another big brother to him. _ _

_ _Patton would be so disappointed, he wanted his baby brother to be happy, admitting what had happened would be failing him. Declan didn’t want to fall even more in his brother’s eyes._ _

_ _After the first week without Roman, more anger grew inside of him. There were dents covering the walls from where he punched them._ _

_ _ _ **When you're dying in LA** _ _ _

_ _His hands were bruised and cracked from the force he put behind his blows. He hated himself for letting himself be hurt. He hated himself for not protecting Roman from these words that infected his thought process. _ _

_ _ _ **When you're dying in LA** _ _ _

_ _He hadn’t bothered to clean, all he cared about was clouding his mind enough to try and forget about Roman. That was best, forget everything. Every soft word, every secret, every domestic moment the two shared. They all had to be forgotten, and if not blocked from his mind, for fear he may fall apart. _ _

_ _ _ **When you're dying in LA** _ _ _

_ _He didn’t want to be here, not if he wasn’t with Roman. It was just too painful, it made him want to curl up and will the world to end. But it never would, there would always be a Roman Prince that broke his heart._ _

_ _ _ **The power, the power, the power** _ _ _

_ _It was strange, the impact words could have, the impact others could have on people. It made them do stupid things, made them loose sight of what was true. _ _

_ _ _ **Oh, the power, the power, the power** _ _ _

_ _Declan was lost. He was lost without him._ _

_ _ _ **Of LA** _ _ _

_ _-_ _

_ _Declan let the last note ring out. He opened his eyes, blinking to rid them of tears that had formed. He grabbed his glass and gulped it all in one go. The burn jolted him and made him feel more alive. _ _

_ _He breathed deeply, he wondered what Roman was doing. A part of him wished he was doing better than him, not crumbling or breaking down, just being happy and carefree._ _

_ _ It was all he had ever wished for his star._ _


End file.
